Behold the endless abyss.

Close my eyes and dream a little more. December 27, 2010

So, exams are done and dusted. Took me a week to get back to this place, just to say it’s over… And then the holidays are here but it’s ironic that this short one month break is making me feel more tired than usual. Maybe it’s the adaptation process to the sudden onset of relief or whatever you would call that… just… having known you’re back safely to where you’re supposed to be and that the load that’s supposed to be weighing down on you is gone now.

Let’s see, so great plans have been laid for this short break. Not without messing up my bedtime when it’s considerably messed up enough. Hard not to do so when you find yourself slping even later and waking up earlier than usual. That wasn’t on purpose if I could help it… I don’t know if you could call that the “excitement” about the amount of things you can fit into this momentary buffer period you somewhat have control over.

Actually, most of my plans have been revolving around myself, and only myself. Books, food and rest, if you would call that rest. Must have looked like a silly way to spend my holidays alone. But I thought we all needed that quiet little space of our own to keep us sane. It’s confusing, to say the least, mixing with people too much.

Might have come as a surprise that while I might seem like the last person to initiate outings with friends (since I appear to have successfully hypnotised myself that I can still enjoy myself as much as I like alone), I do make considerable efforts planning outings with that lot I consider important to me. Yes, I’m aware the feeling doesn’t have to be mutual. Response isn’t very good sometimes, if there ever was a response. If you’re going to ask if I’m disappointed, I think I’ve not felt disappointed for a long time. Maybe I’ve been trying too hard not to let myself experience that sick feeling over and over again. Can’t help but wonder if I’m that bit annoying sometimes. I know everyone has their own things to see too and they are not obliged to give them up to come to my meetups. Not like I do meaningful stuffs all the time.

Well-aware that the amount of things one has to do catches up with one’s age, I can simply wash my hands off organizing such things, see to my own things, and while doing that, I would perhaps be doing a great service to others by giving them their own space back to see to their own things as well… But I try to remind myself not to do that. Try to remember those who really want to catchup with the rest but fall short of their promises because they’re too busy. Try to remember the successful attempts I’ve made and the amount of joy I derive from seeing the rest happy. Try to keep going with that.

It has been a pretty good day today roaming around the streets of Orchard with BW although there’re only the 2 of us. Coffee chat and movie, and just let time pass like that. Felt like things have slowed down a little for you and it’s an amazing feeling to find yourself not feeling rushed.

Anyhow, it has been a good week. I could do with something good for the eyes now though, a good run maybe and goodbye.